By Lana Mitchell

When I was “promoted” to work in RTC in 1994, I had no real concept of what RTC, as an organization was. I knew little of Scientology’s history – having only arrived in the SO in 1988 in Australia, and having started study in Scientology in 1986, after LRH’s passing. I was, to that degree, a perfect candidate for RTC. I was pliable. I was someone who could be told pretty much anything, and I would believe it.  Well… so it was thought.

But there was a problem.

I would stand in line at muster and David Miscavige, as Chairman of the Board (COB) and as head of the organization, would stand at the front, briefing the organisation on the latest “flap”. It was routinely over-the-top natter and critical statements/name-calling of Ray Mithoff, the then-Snr C/S Int, or Marc Yager, the then-CO CMO Int, or some other executive not present.

The subjects of the natter were the executives I had been working under until that time. I had the utmost respect for them – yet from that time, it became clear that this was not the view held by Miscavige.

It is interesting to sit back, in hindsight, and look at group bank in full dramatization and how this can impinge on your life. A comment from Tom Martiniano to my last article (The wrong thing to do is nothing)  got me thinking about this, as Tom mentioned that he had been sitting at the same LRH Tape Plays as me, with similar thoughts to mine. But we both sat there. We both obeyed instruction. And neither of us spoke up (nor did the other 700+ people present).

Have you ever been involved with a group and silently gone along with things, even though you had doubts or unanswered questions?

Well back to my story.

Back in the mid 90’s, I would stand at RTC musters – or sit in RTC staff meetings, and listen and do my best to be a model RTC staff member.  I did my best to duplicate what was wanted from seniors and carry out orders, even if they did not make sense.

There are many examples where I, operating as an RTC robot, did things I have come to deeply regret. I think the worst one was being sent “down the hill” from the Middle Villas to Del Sol (the building where CMO Int and Exec Strata were houses before they were moved to their trailer Hole). I was handed two golden rod issues by my senior, Dianne Larsson, who was the D/IG Internal Affairs. Both issues cancelled the auditing certificates of a Class XII Auditor. The first was John Eastment, former Snr C/S Int, and the other was Sandy Wilhere, both of them former Flag Class XII auditors who had dedicated their lives to auditing and helping others.

The issues had been written by Dianne, at the order of Marty, at the order of COB, based on a COB inspection of Qual Gold. Both John and Sandy had been drilling on the new (and not yet released) Golden Age of Tech drills and had been approached by COB who had asked them something along the lines of if they were having any trouble with the new drills and reads simulator (a trick question which is similar to do you still beat your wife)?  Their answers were evidence that they were CI and later that day, I headed “down the hill” to deliver these two golden rod issues that were not just arbitrary and an injustice, but were wiping out the past and future of two Class XIIs who had a better understanding of the tech than COB has ever had.

The resultant cave-in of both auditors was enough for me to know that something was terribly wrong. There was no truth in those issues. There was no “blowing of charge” or “as-isness” for me, for them or for the group. This was COB doing what he does best – taking off people’s heads, and I was the one holding the cleaver and left to mop up the blood.

This one incident, led to one of my many post removals in RTC – as I kept trying to understand and resolve the situation for these two individuals. I had not been at the inspection, had no briefing from COB, from Marty or from Dianne, and all I had were two issues that were vague generalities.  I persisted in trying to understand and sort it out with standard policy, which COB then found out about and I was sent to dig trenches for “fraternizing” with Sandy Wilhere and sympathizing with her on her certificate cancellation.

I did not get what I did wrong. I was truly confused. My own post removal was done in front of the entire org and was done by COB personally – and there was only one stable datum – I had screwed up.

I had no clue what the heck was right or wrong. After many such screw ups, I tried to toe the line and just stay out of trouble.

Being an untrained Clear (meaning no auditor training) I became real unstable. I was wobbly and had no certainty. My intentions were good (despite the 30 + RTC Assessments I received to find my evil purposes and destructive/counter intentions). I was persuaded to disconnect from my non-Scn father as a handling for my rollercoaster and perpetual mistakes. I was even given a PDH Plant check at one point – and was finally ejected from the org in late 1999, with a Comm Ev that stated I was  “unable to think straight”.

But – back to the purpose of this article – THE main problem with me was not PTSness, it was not psychosis, and it was not actually being a robot – though I had to a degree become all three. The actual problem was I was not being trained in the subject of Scientology itself – as if I had been thus trained, I would have had the certainty and strength of understanding of the subject to be able to look the group bank in the eye and say – “To hell with you – piss off!”

Instead – I went into a figure-figure in my own head – thinking that it was only me that was out of step. That it was only me that could not follow COB’s rants and raves. That it was only me that was reading volumes of COB orders each week and unable to make heads or tails of them. That it was only me that found this all very confusing and felt they did not belong. I went into the Sea Org as an extroverted, communicative and dynamic individual. I left it in 2005 as a cowed, shadow of my former self.

I just didn’t get it.

But I do now. 

They always say that hindsight vision is perfect – and that is true enough. But I feel so strongly on this subject at this time that I felt the need to write it up for others.

The best weapon against the group bank is training and working as an auditor. That does not mean you have to hang out a shingle – but it means that you work to steadily train and help others with the tech, in whatever capacity.

The more I train and the more I audit, the more stable I become, as an individual, as a parent, and as a group member.

And the more I get it.


calvin b. duffield
+3 # calvin b. duffield 2013-03-01 16:59
Jeez, Lana, talk about the devil and he is
right there in the mix, whenever the subject of Scn is mentioned!

Pure unadulterated REVERSE SCIENTOLOGY, in it's very worst form, that is, tailor made to cave you in completely!

I'm certain that even as you relay this
cruelty performed on you and others, by the orders of senior management, the bpc
continues to peel off, as it will.

Insanity! Go on Lana! as-is it whenever,
however you want! And THANK YOU for sharing your CO$ experience with us all!

Thank God too, you are now in a position to see the whole sorry mess in hindsight,
since now one comes to terms with it, and is thus free to move on with one's life.

Life is beautiful, and exciting again just as it was meant to be.

Thank you for being you!

Lana M
+1 # Lana M 2013-03-01 18:01
Thanks Calvin.
What I learn, as I train and audit, are the stable datums that are the very foundations and pillars of a body of work. They give you a grounding to be able to handle confusions, randomity, counter-purposes, and more.
If I knew then, what I know now, my life would have been very different.
The plus point is however -- as there is a plus point in anything, depending on your viewpoint, that my understanding of the body of work is influenced by my own experiences, my own activities and my own responsibilities. You come through traumatic experiences that much stronger.
Maggi Scott
+2 # Maggi Scott 2013-03-01 17:16

I'm no longer a Scientologist. But I just want to say: I always liked you. I thought you were a great CO CMO PAC and I was sorry you went uplines and we lost you.

I remember one time you were in AOLA after you went to RTC and you seemed so different. "Massy" I guess.

We're not on "the same page" as far as Scn but I'm glad you're out and you're happy.

Lana M
+1 # Lana M 2013-03-01 18:19

How great to hear from you. It has been now some 20 years since I remember seeing you last.

I met so many good people in PAC. So many dedicated Sea Org members (and Class V staff at LA Org). I consider you one of those people -- a well intentioned and hard-working individual, with her shoulder to the wheel.

I believe that people can "leave" Scientology and no longer "be" a Scientologist - but the basic truths that you had wins on, that you experienced initially, never leave you. As a veteran SO member, you still apply basic principles of ARC and communication -- as your lovely comm here is proof of.

Each of us have had a journey -- some very distasteful if not scarring. But what is it that drives us away from the body of work itself?

Bypassed charge. Injustice. Mishandlings.

That is the one point that got me reflecting. I went through a whole period in 2007-8 re-assessing what I got out of Scientology, and if I had really experienced any wins myself. I had given 17 years of my adult working life to supporting something that no longer resembled the principles I so strongly believed in.

But then, when I did look and started to list my wins, from applying ARC and Tone Scale, to O/W tech, to study tech, to session wins, to applying admin policy to accomplish things -- I realized it was not the tech I was upset about -- it was the management and use of that tech by the current C of S (ie. DM).

I got a session by a wonderful Class IX indi auditor -- and the correct BPC was found and indicated -- and I laughed and cried. It has been a good road ever since.

I wish you all the best in your future adventures. If you ever want to write me -- my email is . You are welcome here on this blog any day!
Maggi Scott
+1 # Maggi Scott 2013-03-02 16:25
Quoting Lana M:

How great to hear from you. It has been now some 20 years since I remember seeing you last.

One thing that I forgot to mention is that I thought you were beautiful. :)

Totally irrelevant to anything but I just thought I'd let you know.
# Focus 2013-03-01 19:39
Thanks for putting this truth out there. I appreciate your sincerity and integrity.

Thank you very much!
Lana M
# Lana M 2013-03-01 20:06
Thanks Focus.
Great to have your voice here also.
Chris Mann
# Chris Mann 2013-03-01 20:52
I'm not on a quest to restore the Sea Org, but I will say it could be an amazing group. The concept that Miscavige uses for PR of a strong, ethical Sea Org handling the planet is just an empty shell, but had Miscavige not seized power it could have been a different game. It's as if his purpose was to chew up all the best thetans. It is so insidious and effective it makes me want to believe the conspiracy stories of a government plant or some other type of plan to destroy Scientology.
Lana M
# Lana M 2013-03-01 21:04
Chris -- it is amazing what a group of well-intentioned Scientologists can achieve. When it is undermined, unmocked and used for the wrong purpose - the result is evil. We are lucky in that now, in the indi field, we can recreate a group, focused on auditing and training and application of LRH tech - regardless of how the current scenario in the C of S came about...
Scott Campbell
+3 # Scott Campbell 2013-03-01 22:12
Great article, Lana.

I recall a story that a friend of mine told me about how after training and interning up through Class IX at Flag, he was then trained on the new GAT Tech Degrades. When he went to get his "RTC Video Pass" he was flunked for his non-robotic TRs. He was told to go back and do it the way he was taught. He did so and upon review by the RTC Rep, was told "So you can do it that way if you want to?" He agreed that yes, he could if he wanted to. The RTC rep then said, "But you don't want to do you?" He said, "Not really, no." She then said, So you're just CI to the GAT then?" He said, "Basically, yeah." The RTC Rep immediately "cast him down" to whatever 9th level hell could be mocked up for him and he ultimately routed out.

So you're right. Training did help my friend call bullshit on the gross out-tech. And he is a better man for it today.
Lana M
# Lana M 2013-03-01 22:25
Scott -- your story gives me shivers. Here is RTC making auditors violate basic LRH tech of DN 55! and the 9th ACC. Yet it is on that communication formula and on an auditor's selfless TRs that case gain is possible. OMG. Hope your friend is back in the chair and using his natural and non-robotic comm cycle to help others, here in the indi field. I reckon those TRs and that natural comm cycle will become the "trademark" (excuse the pun) for the indi field!
Scott Campbell
# Scott Campbell 2013-03-02 01:50
Hi Lana and Jimmie!

Yes he is back in the chair and someone that you and I know very well contributed to getting him there. Wink, wink!

BTW, great quote, Jim. Thanks
Jim Logan
# Jim Logan 2013-03-02 19:43
Ahh yes, one of my favorite people...back in the chair and doing it. He's also a damn good Cramming Officer I might add.
Jim Logan
+1 # Jim Logan 2013-03-01 23:09
I just ran across this today on study.
"Now, the whole subject of auditing is only a subject as long as it is a live subject, therefore. And when it ceases to be a live subject and becomes itself a mechanical subject, it ceases to be a subject. It ceases to be anything more than a wound-up doll. Unless we have ARC at work in the auditing session, unless we pay some attention to the realities
of the session, we don't get anywhere with the session-because we don't understand what we're doing. Okay?" from lecture, Affinity, Reality and Communication, 13 Oct 55, 4th London ACC.

RTC/DM tech versus LRH, Scientology tech. I'm sticking with Ron.
Lana M
# Lana M 2013-03-02 11:28
Thanks Jim. As always -- the man who producing an applicable LRH quote.
Having and using ARC is something that DM is incapable of. It is not about him being "mean", but about the fact that without the use of that tool he is actually perpetually aberrating the group. And unfortunately SO many of the Sea Org now emulates him and his cold chrome steel attitude as the winning valence.
# KFrancis 2013-03-01 23:23
Lana,thank you for sharing this story. It‘s striking how many really good people made their way into the Sea Org with a true desire to help only to be refused and then scattered to the winds.
What a waste of talent and willingness.

Good on you for landing squarely on your feet and not giving up on Ron’s legacy. You are a great spokesperson for Scientology.
Lana M
# Lana M 2013-03-02 02:52
Thanks KFrancis. Always like it when you tune in. Still hoping I can get an article from you one of these days to post on this hear blog! Write to me on .
Bruce Pazooter Clark
# Bruce Pazooter Clark 2013-03-02 02:36
Lana, tried commenting many times on your wonderful post, but the captcha would not allow. So here it is:
Lana, since you agreed with the powers that be to boot me out of CMO-PAC, because, because, I had experienced much the same tone and abuses at CCI.
These are the kind of stories that run out the group engram for many of us. I thank you for that, and for your bravery of speaking up.
I know, for myself, the denial of self-sanity was diluted (as a curative) with the knowledge of my training. Eventually, I protested enough that it got me declared.
What I saw was the false stats that were used to make CCI a Saint Hill Sized Org. I fought against the tech arbitraries that degraded Qual into a submissive division of the RTC. And for what little force I was able to rally against it, I was cast aside, and in a way that utterly defied PL's on justice.
Thank you for your blog, your post, and mostly for speaking up, as one of those with inner knowledge of the insane workings of David Miscavige's cult machine.
Lana M
# Lana M 2013-03-02 02:43
Hi Bruce,
Yes -- There were many people, unfortunately, that I removed, RPFed or "be-headed" over the years. Not real proud of some of my deeds - particularly as I realized in later years that routinely I was forwarding off-policy or arbitrary orders. Justice in the church is a joke -- and fittingly, I received my just deserts on this in 2005 when I too was declared.

My apologies for the part I played in your own circumstance.

I trust that life has since improved for you -- and that you have been able to move on?
calvin b. duffield
+1 # calvin b. duffield 2013-03-02 09:17
Lana, what's done is done.And now it's in the past. Except for bpc! That product is carried into the future. we lug it around to serve as a reminder of what person "X" or how situation "y"did so and so to us.

What's important in terms of "survival" is surely that courageous act of taking responsibility for those "effects"

This act permits the recording of the situation to be as-ised, and can finally bring ultimate relief to all comcerned. Thus ending the cycle on a positive note.

Unfortunately, refusal to take responsibility for one's acts, is so commonplace, and this seems to have the
hidden agenda of preventing one from being made wrong, at all costs.

Thank you for boldly leading the way.

Be assured, we're ALL humbled by and proud of you.

ML, Calvin.
Lana M
# Lana M 2013-03-02 11:12
My own reality of those I impacted upon, and those I influenced, has changed over the years. As we move up The Bridge, there is certainly more responsibility for past deeds -- and an effort to want to do what I can about the past.
I don't blame anyone in PT, for the current scene -- as we all, to some degree, contributed towards it -- so I guess what counts to me at this point is taking action now to rectify situations and to start anew.

We have the technology - it is just a matter of using it.
# tunedal 2013-03-02 05:15
Thanks for this story. It touched me deeply. Hindsight vision: I was a SO-member at Flag back in 82-84 and was offered to move up the org board. I recall a clear perception of a weird black mass which absolutely terrified me and I eventually turned around and left SO.
Lana M
# Lana M 2013-03-02 11:06
Tunedal - a black mass? You aren't the only one that has had that perception. My reality is that it is associated with an individual -- rather than the group itself,
# tunedal 2013-03-02 14:54
Interesting. First time I hear of others perceiving this mass.
Maggi Scott
# Maggi Scott 2013-03-02 16:22
oh I had it too. I was 14 years on post in a PAC org. Every time there was a motion to move me up (and there were a few) I got it. I was terrified of Int. Never been there, but perceived it as a prison. How right I was.
Jim Logan
# Jim Logan 2013-03-02 19:49
Believe me, I saw it too. So did most others I think, but invalidation of perceptions occurs. I was reading in the early Tech Vols the material on the 3D, and in one of those early issues is described the "group organism". An entity that is more than the sum of its parts (for you Gestaltians, its sum total is a life organism in its own right).

It was there, this live, group organism, and it has its own bank. I think that the solution to it is to completely disband that place. Take individuals and clear them of their charge, both personally and spotting the source of any "misowned" (in 1955 there comes a process called Ownership Processing, where you spot the source of something and with that correct source get it to dissipate.)
Patty Moher
# Patty Moher 2013-03-02 07:08
It takes a lot of courage for a Scientologist to speak out. I too am no longer a Scientologst, but I want to personally thank you for having the courage to stand up and tell the truth of what goes on at the top of the C of S.

Warm regards.

Lana M
# Lana M 2013-03-02 11:22
Thanks Pooks.
There are some other articles that detail life on the Int base on scientology-cult.com. I have written 3 others there -- which you can find under my author name. Lana Mitchell. One is entitled "Hot and Cold Running Servants" and another is called "Another ex-RTC staff member speaks out". Other former Int base staff members have also done articles, such as Micha Priv, Janela Webster and Back to Life.
I think it is really important part of the healing process to write up this information -- both from a personal view but also so that we can help resolve mysteries and upsets that others have relating to the Int base and Miscavige. It also enables us, as a group, to be able to take action to ensure that this scenario never repeats.
# Thoughtful 2013-03-02 10:00
GREAT post Lana!!
Lana M.
# Lana M. 2013-03-02 11:32
Thanks Steve! I am going to be onto you again shortly for another article too! This is a community blog after all! Contributions always welcome. :)
Ingrid Smith
# Ingrid Smith 2013-03-02 15:41
There aint nothing like training and auditing and it is the route out!
Lana M
# Lana M 2013-03-02 15:43
I could not agree with you more Ingrid.
# Vertsurblanc 2013-03-02 16:15
Lana I agree that is vital to write-up the stories like yours. It is important for those of us still figuring this all out.

Your point about knowing the tech is true. It seems though, that the two people you referred to in your article both knew the tech very well. But this was not enough for them to survive that incident. Maybe what is also true is that your knowledge of the tech must be clothed in an impermeable sheath of ethics as well.?

Once you are out you now are able to say yes or no and to hold your viewpoint and your position.

Whilst still in the SO this was not at all as easy. It required some application of ethics to put you back in a position of cause and to then know the tech better and to take the position you described in your article?

The base upon which we stand is one built upon an ethical standpoint and understanding and ability to act upon it. From that base or foundation we can get going in the indie field.

This blog is adding to my more comprehensive understanding of the whole ball of wax.

Thank you.
Lana M
# Lana M 2013-03-02 18:10
Vertsurblanc -- thanks so much for your comm. Both Class XIIs had their qualifications to audit arbitrarily cancelled. They at least had what I did not have -- an understanding of the human condition and how to free someone up from his aberrations and move him up to higher levels of ability across the dynamics. When the person issuing the arbitrary orders (COB) has not been in session since the mid 80's and refuses to allow anyone to audit him or handle him in ethics, you are at an impasse. Particularly when he uses his position at the head of the church to remove anyone in a position of power or with extensive tech training.
The choice is leave and apply the tech from outside those perimeters of the corrupted SO, or stay and either give up (apathy) or try to solve the losing battle with a psycho at the helm.

It is indeed a ball of wax. No question. And people deal with it in different ways.

My realization is that if I HAD been trained then I would have recognized that there was an SP at the top and would have been able to act accordingly. I would not have gone up my own ass trying to resolve why I was "pulling it in" or roller-coastering. Would I have been able to change the fate of the current C of S and able to remove him? Probably not -- but I could have maintained a position in space and been able to make a decision that was based on the actual circumstances -- not based on an introversion.

Hope that clarifies.
Ingrid Smith
# Ingrid Smith 2013-03-03 16:04
Vertsurblanc-There is also admin tech. The whole gamut is ethics tech and admin and those studied without MUs and to a point of conceptual understanding and with a track of application. In the lst 30 years if there hadn't been so much suppression, there would be alot more people with alot of those points in. The good news is it is never too late.
Bernie Wimbush
# Bernie Wimbush 2013-03-02 16:48
Until recently I was so upset withg the atrocities committed in the name of Scientology that I would not call myself a Scientologist Hwever, a post like this clearly identifies the difference between management and the subject. I now call myself a Scientologist that belongs to the reformed church of independat Scientologist.
Thanks Lana.
Lana M
# Lana M 2013-03-02 17:56
Bernie, Consider yourself a founding member --- WAY before I came along! You are in inspiration to me. Your understanding of the body of work, and application of it, every day, across the dynamics, is something I work to achieve.
Cheers- Lana
Jim Logan
# Jim Logan 2013-03-02 17:31
The fact that if you have the "tech" of an area, the KRC, the know-how of it, then you can't be adverse effect of it, is a key point of any Bridge in Scientology.

I was studying CS Series 2 the other day and this jumped out: "Seeing the whole training-cycle half of the chart continue blank means that much more ignorance and trouble for the pc in making his gains stably."

We are living life, and the more knowledge of it, workable, and working knowledge, the more understanding of what is really going on, the better able to play a game, and retain the fun of it. Even make new games. It's a much better place to be than a piece in some other-determined something.

It's funner. More better funner. I'm glad you are having more better fun.
Betsy Reppen
# Betsy Reppen 2013-03-02 19:30
I like your communication style Lana, it's very clean and to the point. The most important message being to continue to study LRH materials!
Lana M
# Lana M 2013-03-02 19:37
Thanks Betsy. Your communication ain't too shabby either! Always like hearing from you and Mike.
# Eagle 2013-03-03 08:47
Brilliant, brilliant article, Lana, just adding my thanks here.
Theo Sismanides
# Theo Sismanides 2013-03-08 18:28
Lana, I am so happy to be in this blog and I am proud to read the posts of other members and your's here. Somehow, it looks like in the Indies being "too much" for Standard Tech and Admin is weird.

However, that uncertainty of those people is what got in this position right now. Let's keep building up our certainties....

I am unserious enough as when it comes to LRH and the Tech. I am not going to reinvent the wheel for the moment. I trust the guy and the work he did. Maybe for some this sounds very out of fashion in this fast changing world. But I know and I have the certainty that I have cleared my words, my small words, my other words... that I worked in the Sea Org to build a certainty after understanding what was there by LRH... and I saw it works.

Thank you for this whole story in RTC. Thanks for being here and doing what you are doing.

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