By Tom Martiniano,

I saw Paul Harvey’s version of “So God made a farmer” during the Superbowl last week. But I couldn’t help but notice the parallels so I re-wrote it for the most valuable person on the planet. I actually had tears in my eyes as I wrote it because it is so true. Enjoy:

And on the 8th day God looked down on his planned paradise and said, “I need a caregiver!” So, God made an auditor!

God said I need somebody to get up before dawn and tend to the sick and wounded, work the rest of the day auditing, eat supper, do all of his admin and then go to the org and stay past midnight at the promo all-hands. So, God made an auditor!

I need somebody with strong arms. Strong enough to put up studs and drywall for more auditing rooms, yet gentle enough to deliver a nerve assist to a pc in agony. Somebody to spend hours calling in partially paid pc’s, then pull withholds on a nattery p.c. well past his dinner, come home hungry and have to wait for dinner until his wife is done lecturing at the gung-ho group and telling them to be sure to come back real soon…and mean it. So, God made an auditor!

God said “I need somebody that can flawlessly assess a BPC assessment and sooth an arcx-en pc, bleed the TA out of a Grades Process, run a secondary out on a complete stranger who just suffered an horrific family loss, give an endless touch assist on a young girl with a searing toothache. And…who, on his day off, will cover for another auditor who had to go out of town on urgent business. Then, with pain in his back from being in the chair for 40 hours per week, put in another seventy two hours body routing, doing intro lectures, handouts and all-hands book sales helping the org boom”. So, God made an auditor!

God had to have somebody willing to drive a hundred miles to handle a blown student yet stop at an accident on the way back to put in order and get off a quick touch assist to the injured before the authorities arrive. So, God made an auditor!

God said, “I need somebody strong enough to work a side job so he can feed his own family while he spends countless hours in the chair at the org auditing for peanuts and who will stop on the street for a child who just skinned his knee on the pavement after falling off of his bike. So, God made an auditor!

It had to be somebody who’d run the same process for hours on end…and not cut corners. Somebody to stay in session with the pc no matter what to get to the bottom of the chain, and make sure no one invalidate or evaluated for his pc out of session. Somebody who’d bale a family together with the soft strong bonds of sharing, who’d laugh and then sigh…and then respond with smiling eyes, when his pc finally says he wants to spend his life “doing what my auditor does”. So, God made an auditor!


# Eagle 2013-02-12 17:03
This. Is. So. Awesome. Beautiful, just beautiful. I sooooooooooooooooooooo love this blog, for posts like these, as well as all the others. All I can say is: “Thank you, God, for the auditors”.
# Steve 2013-02-12 17:04
This is all very true. Auditors have incredibly high help factors, enormous responsibility and they are tough. Only there is something I’d like to change about our concept of auditors. It’s not necessary for auditors to be so unacknowledged and under-paid. That was the past. In the future, auditors are going to be much better supported.
Jim Logan
# Jim Logan 2013-02-12 17:05
Thank you Tom.
Sue Langley
# Sue Langley 2013-02-12 17:06
When I first became a Scientologist back in 81 I couldnt believe that Auditors like this actually existed…. I think this should be called So God made Angels and called them AUDITORS. Love each and every one of you for your contribution.
Ronnie Bell
# Ronnie Bell 2013-02-12 17:06
Wow. It had to be said, and wouldn’t you know, it would be Tom Martiniano that got ‘er dun. That’s the absolute best tribute to auditors that I’ve ever seen.

I am loving this place more and more. It’s becoming my ‘theta shack’.
# Eagle 2013-02-12 17:07
+ 1000 – an oasis of sanity and a place of beauty.
# Hemi 2013-02-12 17:08
I agree! the technical name is Auditors. The real name and the truth: they ARE Angles. No other term can come close.
Eternal love and gratitude to these Angles.
Well done on this blog, great!
# Tara 2013-02-12 17:08
Wow Tom. That blows tons of charge for me personally. Thank you.
# Bluebonnet 2013-02-12 17:09
Thank you and please continue.
# Theosismanides 2013-02-12 17:10
Tom, so true, thanks. I am opening up a subject with ALL Scientologists as I see the urgency of it. It may be off topic but I hope people understand it.

It’s not just the good Auditor but is also the Good Administrator, who works behind the scenes to make auditing happen. This is a big subject we ALL have to discuss if the Independents are gonna move on. I have visited 4 Independent blogs today, Marty’s ,Geir Isene’s, Tom’s here and Lana Mitchell’s. Wonderful people. They all have something good to say. But it’s the Admin that keeps us together and this is my mission here, to enlighten indies on that side because DM has done a very bad job.

It’s the auditor who saves the pc and who is finally the most valuable being. And it’s the auditor who has been acked by Ron so well and who has been persecuted by DM so well, as well. But there is also the Administrator and if things are going to be sped up it’s going to be because the Administrator is going to talk to THOSE MANY, GOOD, VALUABLE AUDITORS. And I am one of those Administrators who is calling ALL GOOD AND VALUABLE AUDITORS, to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. We can think on this, too. Thank you.

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Dianetics 55!, Chapter Nine
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